hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
