im six kinds of drunk right now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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