I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
