Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
