Screwed.edu
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
