This dress was meant to end up on your floor
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
