Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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