Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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