What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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