i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
