god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
