My nipple is on Facebook.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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