i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
