Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
