I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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