Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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