To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
