like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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