Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
