I could have mohawked her pubes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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