I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
