Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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