Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
