My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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