Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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