Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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