I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
