All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
