I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
