Don't you send me to vm
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
