??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
