I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
