I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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