Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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