This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
