i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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