Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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