So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
