very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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