Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
