I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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