No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
