Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
