Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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