You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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