I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
