Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
