On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
