Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
