what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
