he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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