I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
