you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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