okay pat passed out under dana's car
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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