DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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