her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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