I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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