3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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