You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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