I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
