Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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