Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
