well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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