Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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