I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
