On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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