i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
