Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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