Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
