Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
zippers are such a cool invention
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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