you guys were way drunker than both of me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
