Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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