Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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