I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
