i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
