I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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