Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
