Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
