i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
