I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
