I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
