I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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