do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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